Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
