I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
