i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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