The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
where am i from again
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
