when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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