Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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