There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
