I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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