In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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