Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
