it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
