You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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