My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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