I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
