we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
