My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
