There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
