next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
