i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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