You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
