"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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