mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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