you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
