Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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