i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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