Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
