Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
