i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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