He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
