Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
