i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
