I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
