Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
