My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
