... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
