Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
