I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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