I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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