All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize