The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
