yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
