I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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