are you still at the devil's house?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
