I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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