Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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