I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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