ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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