Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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