I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
