4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
