i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
