Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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