if you like me you must not know who I am
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
