WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
