I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
