she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize