You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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