Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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