How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
