i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
