why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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