i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
