I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
