never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
