every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize