Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
