my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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