life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
