before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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