Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
