Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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