I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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