Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
