my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
