Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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