is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
